In the Butte Library on the Last Day of the Semester is Great Fun

I'M DONE WITH THIS SEMESTER!!!!!!!

I can't even handle how excited I am about this. :D My days have opened up for the quest of employment and working on improving the abbey and working on personal relationships and reading books that I've started but never got to finish...in short...life is going to be awesome!

I really do love this blog. Its kind of my fave, as is going sunglass shopping and whatnot in Chico, which I will be doing in a matter of an hour and a half. Depending on when Morgan is finished with her Music final which I hope is soon.

I wish my professors didn't suck so bad because it'd be awesome if they actually put their grades online, like normal people. That'd be rad. I'm going to go now.

Nothing really new in my life other than I have money for once, I have to go to the bank, take Candace home, drive Morgan and myself to Chico to go X-mas/sunglass shopping and have an abbey meeting that is going to be no fun even though the room will be filled with people I love. Though one of them has let me down twice in the last 48 hours. Quite an accomplishment I would say.

Peace.

Food At Cozy, Cults I'm Learning About In ANTH, and the Fact That I Kinda Like A Guy That Lives In Utah.

Yes, so. First off, I love the food at Cozy and the people. They are so nice. And yes, I may have forced a waitress into early retirement from their employment at Cozy, but I really I feel like it wasn't my fault. She was hyper-sensitive. How could I have known that? I mean really. Anyhoo, their burgers are kind of amazing and I love their fries and water and soda, mmmmmm, that makes me want some clear soda. Thats all I have for the Cozy portion of my blog this evening. Other than the fact that whenever Joshua, Christian, Sam, Rachel, whoever else may be there on any given Friday night and myself always talk about the weirdest and most inappropriate topics. I'm surprised we haven't been kicked out yet. I mean, I have a hard time controlling the volume of my voice sometimes and some of the things I say, you can't come back from. Like Joshua and I were singing "If Thats What You're Into" by Flight of the Conchords and then we realized that we shouldn't sing that to each other because its not the most appropriate song. Mainly because of the part that goes, "....and maybe later we can get busy by the refrigerator....get lewd with food." Thats pretty much all I'm comfortable writing on the internet...or at least in my blog. Anywhere else and I would just unleash it for the world to read. :D Anyhoo, basically it was fun.

So far I've learned about the cult led by David Koresh, one called Heaven's Gate lead by this guy named Applewhite and then today we learned about Jonestown in Gyana in South America. Peoples are CRAZY. Like seriously. I can't even handle it. I'm pretty sure if someone

My AIM sn is back to its normal peteythepirate9-ness because iChat hates me or I don't understand something or some poop like that. Joshua said that he'd fix it the next time I have my comp around when he's around. I think I'm thankful for that, also kind of insulted because I don't know anything about macs. Though I'm liking regular AIM just fine for the moment. I can't video chat with anyone, but I don't mind that because the only person I video chat has crappy internet right now.

So, I met this guy on Facebook [I know this screams, "COME ON!!! Been there done that and it ended with a bad date," but this one's different. I swear. 1) He's in Utah, no dates are gonna happen, just nice little friendship over the internets. 2) I video chat with him so I know that he's not some creepy 90 year old man like that guy off of Family Guy, Herbert the Pervert] and he's super nice. He thinks I'm pretty, but most any guy you meet on the internets is going to you that because they think its what you want to hear.

Peace.

EvErYThInG iN mOdErAtIoN, iNcLuDiNg SeLf DeStRuCtIvE bEhAvIoRs AnD mInI mElTdOwNs CaUsEd By IrRaTiOnAl EmOtIoNs.

I have created the busiest week for myself ever.

I have a paper due on Wed that if I don't get it done and time stamped and put in my professor's box, she won't accept it. Then I have a research project with a partner thats due on Monday (next Mon) that my partner and I have to present in front of the class for at least 10 mins so I have to work on that with her Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. And then I have a 4-5 pages paper due in Anthropology on Dec 3 which I would like to have done by the 2nd. Apparently I just rock like that.

I have to go bring the trash can and recycling bin in from the street before they get stolen. I don't know who would steal those things, but apparently there are people who would because its happened before.

I apologize for my previous entry yesterday or the day before. I deleted it because its wasn't a true reflection of my day's events and it was derogatory and completely self-deprecating and not cool. I was angry and crying and confused and thinking of a million different things when I wrote it. I could think of a bunch of things that are wrong with me, but I'm going to take the challenge of focusing on the positive things that I have going for me. Like my sparkling personality. :)

Anyhoo, I'm sorry.

I'm kind of in love with House as in Hugh Laurie (a.k.a. Gregory House) and Mark Harmon (a.k.a. Jethro) from NCIS. They are beautiful specimen of mature men. Maybe I should like guys my own age, but lets face it, I don't. Sometimes it sucks.

Oh, I ran into Mike the other day at Butte. It was really weird. Morgan and I were just walking along to class from the parking lot and then all of a sudden Mike was just there and he was all like, "Hi there, whats up?" and I was all like, "Umm...nothing. Walking to class." He proceeded to poke fun at Morgan for not saying anything which I totally understood because she was having a "this is the guy Heather was like freaking in love with?!?!?!" kind of moment. And then she just said, "To each her own." Which I appreciated. I was doing so well too, I hadn't seen him in like a month and I had started not to think of him all the time, but now I feel like I'm fighting to not be back where I started from. For some reason, he's really hard for me not to like. I don't get it.

I'm tired. I need sleep for tomorrow because I have the math class I might fail if I'm not careful. Don't want to have to explain anything to my parents, that would suck.

Peace.

I Just Wish That I Could Heal The Hurt You Feel Tonight.

I figured out that my mom was just stressed that day when she went all psycho babble about nothing on me. So its all good now.

This weekend has been ok, nothing special actually. Pretty boring for a Halloween weekend. I helped out at the youth group halloween party and that was a lot of fun. There were more kids than I thought there would be and that was nice. We went trick-or-treating and Sam brought Tristan in his newly put together stroller. I got to push him most of the way...it was totally fun even though I had to keep Sam breathing at times because she thought something bad would happen, but fortunately nothing did. After we got back from trick-or-treating we watched Nightmare Before Christmas and I don't think Joshua liked it very much. But its alright. So that was Friday.

Saturday I had to be to the Veteran's Hall at like 9 am to help collect money at the door for a gun show that my dad's gun club was hosting. The power went out around 1:30 pm and people got kind of pissy, but it was understandable because they couldn't see nearly as well as they could before even with flashlights. Then at 4 or so mom and I cut out to go to Holiday to get something for dinner. Then I just hung out at home because it had rained a lot during the day and I didn't want to drive on the wet roads if I didn't have to.

Sunday I went to the 9 o'clock service for about 10 mins and then I ended up hanging out in the nursery with Liane because she's been snagging all my hours. Then I went to help at the show again and then I went to Candace's house because Melie was there and they were watching Saw IV and then we went to see Saw V which wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. Thank goodness because during the entire movie I had to pee. Then we dropped Melie home and we went back to Candace's house to hang out and I ended up staying there til 10 pm watching CSI and Cold Case for like 4 hours. We had Mountain Mike's pizza and it was delicious. Oh, Starshine's cat, Dody, totally like loves me now and keeps trying to bite me...but they're like, "Look at me and love me," bites. Not really hard and not meant to hurt. 

Anyhoo, I'm super tired and thats all I really had to say.

Night. Peace.

Cheasure Chrest Full of Jews.

The title is a slip of the tongue that happened to me today at Candace's house regarding one of the early b-day present from her g-'rents. It was pretty much the funniest thing that happened today.

Today was a good day, til I got home half an hour ago.

I picked up Morgan a little late this morning, but thats totally normal so it wasn't a big deal. We rode the bus down and hung out in the library til class started. I went to Sociology in the LRC and took my midterm. It totally wasn't as hard as I thought it might be. There were a few questions that were phrased weirdly and I kind of forgot to study for the essay questions because I'm a wiz at multiple choice ones 'cept if its on the AP English test. I was done like 45 minutes early so I hung out with the girl I sit next to in that class because we're partners for a project and we needed to schedule a time that we could get together to discuss how we're going to go about it and all that jazz.

After a few minutes of arranging schedules and whatnot she headed home to do something and I went to look for Morgan (because I forgot that I got out early) and ran into Shelly and Brian. We talked for like 20 minutes and it was fun! Then Morgan and some other peeps got out of class and we all kind of broke up into little groups going our separate ways. Morgan and I went to the cafeteria to find some friends and we found Michelle and Wes there so we hung out with them until Michelle had to go to class and then it was just Morgan, Wes and I hanging out til our class started because we all have the same class. We went to Anthropology together and watched this film about this tribe in Africa that uses different kinds of oracles to determine what they should do in situations. It was interesting for the most part and I only almost fell asleep like once. After class was over Morgan and I walked to the bus and Wes went to the financial aid office to get some money they owe him for not honoring his CalGrant. 

We rode the bus home and then I dropped Morgan off and went to Candace's house. I took pictures of her dressed in her Where's Waldo? costume for her b-day party and they turned out fabulously. Then we listened to Anberlin's first cd and then their second one and we watched America's Next Top Model. It was poker night too, so all of Starshine's friends were over which is always fun. :D Candace gave me some sick sunglasses from Cabo which I'm super excited about and am going to wear tomorrow because I'm a G like that.

Then she was on Myspace reading things and I kept misreading and mishearing things and she thought they were the funniest things ever and kept posting bulletins with my silly quotes. It was good time. Good times, good times. Good drugs, good drugs. 

I left Candace's house after America's Next Top Model was over and got home around 9:15 pm like I told my mom I would. My mom asked me how my day was and I told her that I thought I got a B on my Soc midterm and she got all annoyed and said that that was ok, if that was the BEST I could do and that since I have so much time to study I should be getting nothing but A's. I didn't think it was fair and then after wounding me a little bit with not trusting me with my own education she brought up my bank account and that she had a right to know how much is in my savings and checking account. It really just pissed me off and made me want to move out right now. But I'm slightly over it now and I'm going to take some time to think about what I want to say to her in the conversation that I know is bound to happen sometime or other. 

I can't think of anything else that happened and I'm really tired and probably not thinking right. 

Peace.

Little Bunny Frou Frou, Hopping Through the Forest.

I'm having a hard time setting aside time to do my readings from the Bible. I don't like being this busy...but today it wasn't even that I was busy. I just had something to do every minute that I wasn't sleeping or eating or going to the bathroom. 

I went to Butte today, but didn't go to class because Candace convinced me that there was no point. So we rode the 1 o'clock bus back to Paradise and then I drove us to Candace's house so she could pick up money and then  went to see High School Musical 3 and I didn't hate it. I actually enjoyed myself for almost the whole time. Then we went back to Candace's house for dinner and we were supposed to watch the season finale of Greek but Candace and I will watch that tomorrow night when all the guys are over to play poker.

I have a midterm in my Sociology class tomorrow and I'm completely ill-prepared. I'm not excited about it at all. I'm just happy it isn't super long and most of its multiple choice, which I kind of rock at. Then there are true/false which aren't super hard and then the hard part is the 4 or 5 short answer questions. But she said that the answers can be like one sentence which makes me think that the questions must be very straight forward unless she thinks that a sentence should be like half a page. Then we will have some problems. I am looking forward to being able to leave early. That is always good. 

I'm really realizing that I have a front row view to see how relationships and breakups work right now. And the picture from here is clear and big...bigger than I thought it would be. Its disturbing and makes me want to never date again. It just doesn't seem worth it to me. And when I see it from afar I can totally see what "they" should have done instead of what "they" actually did...its like "in the moment retrospect." I feel lucky to have that experience.

Ugh, I'm so tired and sick of being some kind of stoopid insomniac. Its ridiculous, I like sleep....I LOVE sleep. Sleep and I are BFFs FOREVER. Clearly sleep is just a catty bee-yotch to me. Anyhoo, I'm going to try and get some catty stoopid BFFs FOREVER kind of rest. I have a midterm to study for anyways.

Peace.

Aiden is a way mature for like a 5 year old.

So I am not gonna lie, I'm the biggest weenie ever. I'm watching The Ring right now with Morgan and I'm super scared. Yes I know that it is 10:48 am and yes I know that it isn't real, but movies that like freak me out. Its just so creepy. I don't know why I like Halloween so much because its like the Mecca of horror movie loving people...one of which I'm not. 

Oh, my ankles are increasing in size rapidly and I'm not loving it. Less food...or less saturated fat doused food, and more vegetables and more walking/running and exercise in general. It needs to happen and if it doesn't I'm worried that I'm going to become a sphere and that would just not be any good.

Ok, its time for me to get ready to face the day like a person. Being a person is almost always a good thing and I think I should go do that now.

Good bye.

Hellboy was cute as a baby.

Morgan and I were in the Taco Bell parking lot where we saw the Taco Wagon truck. Then we saw a man and a lady leaving TB and getting into said truck. Then I came up with rad story about the man being a rapist and drugging the lady and driving her to an undisclosed location to have his way with her. Or something.

Freaking Morgan....she never listens to me.....EVER, EVER! I just went on this whole rant about how it would be cute if Dr. House and Wilson were gay together and she totally was like, "Ask me if I was just listening to you," and I was like, "Effing, Morgan, you never listen to me. YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO ME every once in a while!" And then I had a little mini meltdown with waving fists and everything.

So Morgan is spending the night tonight and we're watching Hellboy right now.

Mom and Dad are flying to the Bay today.

I'm worried about my mom and dad flying today. It'll be the first time he's ever flown that far by himself and I'm sure he knows what he's doing, I'm just worried about things that can happen that he has no control over. Like storms, wind, electrical failures, etc. I'm really freaking out here...I don't want to think about losing them in a crash, but its a possibility. That scares me more than anything. I guess I'll have to find things to do that will distract me. 

Over and out...

A Freaked Out Heather

Social destruction, my fragile psyche, and other things that are in existence, but aren't necessarily needed or good for the world.

My day started out so well. I woke up early and didn't hate life when it happened, that was definitely a good sign. I even got to Morgan's apartment early and we were like way early for the Butte bus and we saw a bunch of people we knew and I didn't fall up or down the stairs which for me (and Morgan) is a major accomplishment. I didn't fall asleep in Anthropology and actually thought the video that we were watching was kind of interesting. Amazing, I know. And except for being hungry throughout most of the day it was all good. Morgan and I got out of class on time and went got on the bus and Nick, Morgan and I drove to Taco Bell for lunch at like 3 pm. A good time for lunch? Indeed it is. Then Nick left for the high school and Morgan and I went to her house...or I feel like we did, I don't remember exactly. 

Anyhoo...I went to Michelle's house and then we ended up at Morgan's house again and then I had to take Michelle home to help her mom with dinner before her mom had to go to work. She said she'd meet me at Cozy for pie night so I went back over to Morgan's where I ate my weight in chinese food. Then we went to Cozy and hung out there for a while...a long while actually. I totally wasn't feeling all that well, but I thought I could make it through everything. My head was stuffed full of things to think about and my stomach hurt and my back hurt and my eyes hurt and basically my whole body was screaming in anger and pain. While Sam was nursing Tristan I drove Morgan around town because I was in the driving mood, you know just driving without a purpose or direction. We wound up at Joshua's house to have an informal abbey meeting with just the "abbots" in attendance. We were talking about vows and stuff like that.

I think I'm really disappointed that Michelle bailed on my twice. She said that she'd come to pie night, and that in itself isn't that big of a deal, but it just miffed my mood a little bit. And now she isn't spending the night either. This night ended up not being what I wanted it to be, but at least now I have time to read The Message. I really like how its written and the contemporary language is definitely helpful for me. I'm listening to Anberlin to help me calm down so I don't want to cry or sleep in the shower. I'm doing breathing exercises to calm myself and I'm not sure if they're really working. On the way home from dropping Morgan home I felt like I was going to hyperventilate a little bit and burst into tears because thats my first reaction to everything.

I think I'm going to drop all my plans for tomorrow and just hang out in a park on a blanket and read The Message/draw/work on my vows/nap/think/have some needed "me" time. I'm thinking that is best for me. I just need to get away from people and homework and worry and needs and things that require social skills. I need to be one with nature more often and tomorrow is going to be the start of something new in my life that is much needed. 

I'm tired and nauseous and hating currency right now. 

Good night.

Blame Me! Blame Me! Blame Me! I love Anberlin.

I appear to have hit a rough patch in my life. It sucks and it hurts. I hurt mucho. I just learned something about two people that I didn't know and it confuses me because I didn't think it'd happen. I don't know how to feel about it. Its really messing me up.

Also, Morgan its like she was a few weeks ago. She's always tired, which before was normal, but now its ALL the time. She's never rested and almost never genuinely happy. I hate it and I don't know what to say to make it better. I just want her to be ok. 

So yesterday I ran across this table that had information about a study abroad program in Costa Rica. If I would have known about this earlier I would have totally been down. Its $3,800 for a 6 week stay. I would have a minor in Environment Peace Psychology I think....and that'd be awesome. So I'm thinking that if its happening next year that'd be great and I'll start saving now and if it doesn't I'll spend the money on something else that I need. Like my phone bill, food, shelter and all that kind of stuff. I'm trying to be more responsible and get my life together. I can't wait to move to the abbey and start making things happen. I don't know what I want to do, but I do know that I'm supposed to be helping there, it just feels right. And I'd like to just focus on me and my place in life right now, I'll work to keep food on the table, but I don't plan to pursue a serious career of any sort until I'm out of college so I'll work meaningless jobs until then to get experience and get some sort of idea about what exactly I want to do. 

I guess I don't really have anything else to say at the moment. You know I'll be back to write more though.

Baby Tristan and My Life

So I'm blogging again and really I don't know why I stopped. I guess I got busy and just didn't want to bother with it anymore, but now I do. 

I like seeing my life typed out and in plain view. It gives me a different perspective than just in my head. Its way helpful.

OH!! I went to the hospital yesterday to see Sam and Christian and little Tristan. He is the cutest and Sam looked pretty good for just hours after being in labor. :D I wish them the best and I hope I can babysit and hold him a lot because he is just the CUTEST!!!!!! 

Jos

hu

a, Morgan and I went to Sam's room and I held Tristan for like a half hour because Morgan is getting over being sick and Joshua just wasn't feeling i

t I guess and he wasn't sure that he was completely healthy. When I was holding him he started crying so I gave him to one of Sam's friends and she said that he tooted and smiled and that he was just uncomfortable because of that and then he was hungry so it totall

y wasn't because of me like I kind of though it was. Thank goodness. I totally tho

ught he didn't like me anymore because he was quiet and nice for like 25 mins and then he just got all angry. His screams sound unreal...they're so high pitched its nuts. And his eyes are so pretty. Christian and I think that he has Sam's nose and lips, but Sam thinks that he has Christian's nose. I guess we'll give it some time to see which it is. Oh, so with us we brought pumpkin and coconut-cream pies with coffee to have pie night it the room. We really wanted to make them feel included in everything even with just having had a baby. So we brought Pie Night

 to them. I think they liked it. I met some of Sam's family and then some of Christian's family and we were thinking of staying to meet Christian's dad and brother, but decided not to. I'm kind of happy, because I was SUPER tired. 

I'm not gonna lie, going to see Tristan made me really want a boyfriend. Well, it totally stirred my maternal instincts even more than they already are and I know I'm totally not ready for one not to mention I don't have anyone to help with the making of it, but still. A girl can dream...it doesn't mean that I'm going to get pregnant just because I think babies are cute. 

OH!!! Morgan, Rachel, my mama and I are going down to Barnes & Noble to buy books for the Young Adult section of the library. We're going to buy some NEAT books. Ones that people will want to read which is good. I'm going to put clothes on and maybe you know....try to look presentable...maybe even a little cute. 

Later!

I Just About Peed My Pants.

I was sitting on the lawn in front of the library at Butte listening to my iTunes when there was this really super loud BAM!!! I totally jumped and there was this guy walking by who saw me jump and he laughed and said that he did the same thing. It was funny, but seriously, I almost peed my pants. I'm not gonna lie. :D It was really funny though. 

Anyhoo...I'm listening to this song called The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny by Lemon Demon. Its an awesome song. I like it very much and there's a video that goes with it on YouTube. Its pretty funny you should look it up...if you are reading this. Whatever.

My week's been pretty good so far. I saw Mike and it wasn't a bad thing and I didn't have any warm fuzzy feelings other than the kind I have for my other guy friends. That is a SUPER good sign, I'm very excited about that. Down side is that 2 out of the 3 guys I danced with other than Mike smelled. And not in a good way. They smelled like they didn't put deodorant on that morning. It was pretty bad and I had to dance with one of them for like 5 songs which is like 20 minutes. But I dealt with it and I didn't die. Which is nice. I like it when I don't die. 

I went for a run/walk yesterday and it was awesome! I'll admit it was more of a walk than a run, but at least I tried. And I must have done something right because I felt it yesterday morning and like the whole day and I'm still feeling it a little right now. I've decided that I'm going to do that every other day and see where it gets me. I need something thats difficult to focus my energy on right now. To distract myself from boys and the drama that I end up creating around them. Oh, Friday is my last dance class as a beginner dancer. After that I have class on Wednesdays and I'm in the Bronze class. Isn't that exciting?! We aren't having a recital like we thought we were, but its alright. We're going to have a party on Friday during class instead. Like with refreshments and decorations and whatnot. It should be fun. And there's no instruction so its like free dancing. I like that too. Hopefully I'll get to dance a lot and I'm wearing the dress I wore to prom, but I'm bringing jeans with me too just in case the girls decide that they don't want to wear dresses. One can never be too prepared, or I hope not.

I've recently discovered that I like a lot more vegetables than I previously thought. Its way exciting...and I like tofu. Who knew that?! I didn't. My dad doesn't like the fact that I like it, but who cares? A little soy never hurt anyone. And it certainly isn't going to hurt me. He's just mad because he's a meat and potatoes kind of guy who doesn't eat like any veggies at all and he doesn't like it when my mom and I try to get him to eat them with dinner. He's kind of unreasonable when it comes to vegetables. 

I went on a date on Saturday with this guy I met on Facebook. We went to see Eagle Eye together and the movie was good, but I didn't click with the guy. I felt bad because he creeped me out but I didn't want to tell him that he creeped me out so I deleted him from my friends and stopped texting him. I know it wasn't the best approach, but I did end up telling him that I thought it would be better if we didn't talk anymore and I hoped that he had a good week and I knew that he'd find someone. I'm disappointed in myself though for how I handled it. I certainly could have handled it better. He had weird lips...for some reason I remember that. They're really clear in my mind. And I didn't like them. 

I have to go now because the bus is coming and I have to catch it with my friends. Later. :D

My First Anthropology Test

So I took my first test in my Anthro class on Wednesday and I just figured out how I did today. I got an 86% which I'm super proud of because I didn't use my notes even though it was an open note test. My Anthro professor is a nut. Certified nut. Its true, he's kind of short and sort of looks like a gnome, but its all good. He's really funny and laid back. 

I'm so happy the rain has started. I was so excited that it was supposed to rain yesterday that I did a little rain dance or something and then it didn't so I was disappointed. And then it totally rained today and I was totally stoked. :D

Night at Mort's and Youth Group and the Abyss that is my Brain.

First off, I spent 15 hours and 40 minutes with Morgan from Saturday to today. It was amazing. I went over to her house at like 1:30 pm to pick her and Kourt to come with me to get my second set of ear piercings done at Claire's in the mall. After that we went to Target so I could buy her birthday present, the new Jonas Brothers cd, and make her eternally happy. Oh, when we were at Claire's I bought friendship necklaces for Morgan and I and they are the cutest things ever. We swore to never take them off, not even in the shower. She's my best friend and I love her like a sister. She's the kind of friend I could live with for a long time, like years. We went back to their house after Chico and hung out with Timmy and Chris for like ever. I went home to get clothes and other things for sleeping over and we all stayed up watching movies til 4 am. After that Timmy decided that he'd go home and Chris decided to spend the night with us girls. I fell asleep next to him and he stole my pillow so I stole a little corner of it back. He totally elbowed me like twice in the neck so I decided that I'd go sleep on the couch. At like 7 in the morning Kourt decided that she was freezing and that I must be cold too so she got me a blanket. It was really quite sweet. Then we made breakfast at noon and sat around watching Rush Hour 1 and 2. It was awesome. :D We went swimming like twice too. 

Youth group was good tonight. We kick butt at the relational aspect of a youth group. We have community down to a science. Seriously, its amazing. We had a grill out in Joshua's backyard, which was nice because the weather was great and not too hot and not too anything, it was perfect. There was a new girl there tonight. Her name was Yahna. She was nice, really quiet but she seemed pretty neat. 

So I'm pretty stressed out about starting college and buying my books and figuring out the bus schedule to get me down there on time and figuring out whether I want to be the new youth person instead of Joshua and when I want to move out of my parent's house and into the church and who will hire me and how I'll pay for my car insurance and how I'll pay for groceries and when the right time to move out is and this guy that I like and this other one, but I don't know if I really like him or just think he's super cute cuz I totally do think he's super cute and whether I feel like I need job security this early in my life and if I'm willing to be "homeless" to pursue the revolution brewing at our church in and the faith community. I'm just way confused and sleep deprived and nervous and stressed. 

But on the bright side, I'm super excited about my second set of ear piercings!

Fort Bragg - Silver's At The Wharf

Omg. My mom and I went to Silver's At The Wharf for dinner tonight and it was horrible...well, my order was. My mother ordered Seafood Platter en Brochette and I ordered simple Shrimp Scampi with lemon risotto. First off, the risotto wasn't the risotto of my dreams. It was molded and slightly congealed and a little bland. Then I took a bite of the shrimp and the taste that enveloped my tongue was atrocious. Something about the sauce they were basted and bathed in was off. The separate ingredients did not meld together to make a symphony for my taste buds to enjoy. I couldn't even identify the separate ingredients that were in the sauce. To say the least I was disappointed and thought that my dish was overpriced.

Our hotel is like right on the beach and its super pretty. I actually think Fort Bragg is like so much better when you camp. I don't like hotels at all, nothing is yours and its this weird alien environment, but thats where I am right now, so I'll deal with it. I'm tired right now, so I'll write more later.

Friday Dance Session and the Day That Occurred Beforehand

Ok, so I didn't really do all that much today. I watched a movie and planted some vinca for my mom before the sprinklers went off and went to the bank. Then I went to dance. I was feeling pretty good when I left my house and felt good when I got to the dance hall and I felt good when Mike got there. I didn't start feeling not so good til afterwards. He's just like super confusing to me. I don't know. I don't make much sense when I talk about him. It sucks. I kind of avoided him, well I avoided talking to him more that I absolutely had to and apparently he noticed. He said that he wanted to dance with me because I'm a good dancer. Maybe I should just forget that I like him and do the friendship thing like he wants. He has a freaking girlfriend! What am I doing?!? I need to be content with my life. I need to go think.

Oh, but on a lighter note, I ordered my MacBook and I got a new printer to go with it. The printer arrived today and hopefully the MacBook will be here when I get back from Fort Bragg.

I'm feeling nice.

So, yesterday at dance I asked Mike if he'd give me a ride to J-Fizzle's afterwards and he said sure. I got to dance with him a lot which was super nice. He was in Fort Bragg for the last week and he missed a couple dance classes and he said that it was so nice there that he wanted to stay, but he came back because he knew I'd be here. He said it jokingly so I'm not putting too much stock in it, but still he said it and thats neat and exciting. I think I'm going to go sleep for the last half an hour before J-Fizzle and Doomar get back from their date night. :D Later homes.

Dance Dance Dance

Dance seems to be the only way for me to alleviate the stress I have right now. I can't go for a drive to the park to chillax on the grass and watch the clouds go by. I can't go over to a friend's house to talk it out with them in person. I'm stuck bumming rides off people, talking the over the phone (which is so not how I like to communicate, I like face-to-face), and walking to anyone's house that is close enough to mine, which is like one person and even that is over a mile. Anywho, go my life.

I'm ditching Fridays For Lunch, which I don't want to do, but I don't want to walk that far because I have a headache and my back hurts a little bit, but I'm going to take an Aleve and pray that the pain goes away in time for dance. I'm really excited for the San Francisco trip, like more than ever! The packing list just makes me all giddy and I think its kind of sad that our kids can't wear whatever colors they want because of the gang activity down there. But its what we do for the safety of others I guess.

I guess I have to walk to J-Fizzle's after dance today because I don't see any other way of getting there except for asking Mike for a ride. He's the only one there that has a car, everyone else gets dropped off or stays way after and I don't want to wait. The only way to find out is to ask now isn't it? Great. Another occasion to get my life together and get over my fear of asking people for things. I'm pretty sure if I was bleeding fatally I wouldn't ask anyone for help, I'd just kind of lie there. Maybe I shouldn't be so stubborn. I'll work on that.

I have to go, my time's almost up on the library computer.

Out like a trout.

I'm just so tired.

So this morning I apparently made a mistake by getting home at 4. My mom was pissed and my dad hasn't really said anything to me since yesterday. Scratch that last thing. He was nice to me. I don't get my parents. They lay down this super harsh punishment on me and then they're sweet as can be afterwards. What the eff?!

Anywho, I'm car-less for almost a month. So I'll be walking a lot more and driving a lot less. Consider me a moocher for the next month. Maybe it won't be so bad and walking will be good for me. Thats always a bonus right? I guess. It'll help me become more healthy, yay there's the silver lining of this situation. Glad I found one.

I'm really tired and maybe I'll have more to right about later, like tomorrow. I'm going to the library in the morning and then I might drop in on J-Fizzle or something. We'll see. I have to be creative with when I go to the library so I can be in a more central part of town. Then I won't mind walking so much. I get to see him on Friday. Thats exciting. :D Woot.

Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny

Alright. My life has been pretty good these days. I really like Tree Man from dance he's nice and when we have resistance in dance position he's strong. He's like super tall too. Crazy tree hug-liking construction worker.

I've been hanging out a lot with Morgan and Candace and Ryan and not so much with J-Fizzle. I've been trying to give them a little break. You know, just a little breathing room because for a while there I was there like almost everyday til like 11 at night and I didn't want to be intruding on their personal time, you know, while their kids are sleeping. I just feel like I should give them a little rest. Its not like I think they don't like me and I'm sure they'd never say that they don't want me around, but I feel the need to not be around sometimes. 

I made some pretty killer lemon squares on Thursday and I brought them to Fridays for Lunch and everyone there liked them. Even J-Fizzle gave them a little nibble and told me they were really good and that Summer would like love them. So I kept a few for her and she said they were really good and she ate all three of them in one day. Go you Summer...you pack it away like the lean mean lemon square eating machine that you are. :D 

Today J-Fizzle, Karen and I went down to Sac to witness the installation of our new presiding bishop for our district in the lutheranism of america. He seems to be very nice and really quite talkative. So we were watching the service for what seemed like hours and hours and it was really only like an hour and a half or some reasonable amount of time like that. Then when it was done we went to this grill place where J-Fizzle and I had tri-tip sandwiches and the best mashed potatoes I've just about ever had. They were SO tasty. Then we unloaded some boxes at Karen's mother-in-law's house and then we drove home. I was so happy to go home. Then I went to Candace's house and we watched The Little Mermaid and Sublime and we rented Lars and the Real Girl for her mom.

I'm tired and I might write more tomorrow. 

The Chico Experience and Other Thoughts.

I want to watch the Darjeeling Limited, random Bollywood films, and I really want to watch The Kite Runner again. Alright, so this is a late summary on going down to Chico with J-Fizzle and Patrick on Saturday. We went down using public transportation which was cleaner than I expected and most of the people seemed to be nice. Then we met Jonathan at this place called Sultan's Palace where we ate yummy food like gyros and lots of lamb. Then we walked to the concrete park (I don't know what its called, but its like all pavement with a highly chlorinated fountain thing) to meet some people who were grillin' up dogs for people like it was their job. The people that were there to eat reminded me a little bit of a family, like a huge extended family. People were asking others where they'd been and how they were doing and it was really nice to get a glimpse into how people like that survive. I think J-Fizzle spoke with one of the hot dog grillin' people and got some contact info so we can get to know them more and see if they're the kind of people we want to help our church do what we want to do. We're looking hippies that want to live together and I think Chico is a really good place to look for such people. Then we walked around and ended up at Powell's candy shop thing where J-Fizzle bought some space ship candy and Patrick purchased bacon and cheddar flavored crickets because he's a weirdo. J-Fizzle and I totally ate a cricket and it wasn't that bad, but every time we burped afterwards it tasted like bacon and cheddar which was an unwanted reminder of what we'd eaten. Then we rode the bus back up the hill and there was this nice little girl with her father that sat across from us. She spelled every word she could think of for us which was really nice. She was sweet. Her dad seemed nice too.

Youth group was interesting. I had a really bad headache so I didn't enjoy it very much, but I thought the Nooma was awesome and I really like Rob Bell. Go you Rob Bell. After YG Patrick, Robin, Summer, J-Fizzle and I all had Chinese food which actually really helped my headache, along with the two bottles of water I drank and two tablets of tylenol I took. Then Robin said that Jimmy was available and would be "good" for me. She's apparently decided that she's going to suggest guys that are good for me until one of them works. So far she has the D-Man and Jimmy. She's an epic wannabe matchmaker. Go you Robin! I also think I had the headache because I had gotten like 3 hours of sleep the night before. I don't suggest it. Its bad. You don't feel it at the time, but several hours later it hits you like a Mac truck. 

Dance yesterday was awesome. We learned some swing and part of the tango. Oodles of fun that class is. So after dance was over I was walking to my car and this guy thats also in my dance class comes up behind me and jokingly pushes me because I was standing in the middle of the parking lot texting Joshua and making him feel bad for not coming again. We talk about how the air is clearer than it has been for days and then I say something about keeling over (don't remember why I said that) and he says that he'll do CPR or something and I say something about swimming and he says that its really good day to go swimming. Then he says that he has softball later and gets in his car/truck/hot rod thing and asks me if I'm going to be at the next class on Friday. I say that I will be and he smiles and I get into my car and chug water like I haven't had a drink in 10 days. Go me. Heather "Smooth Talker" Rigby thats me. Eternally suave. 

Today went pretty well. I got up pretty early and watched a few cartoons and then I got sucked into this Sci-Fi tv show about monsters in the walls with razor sharp teeth and fingernails that can cut through concrete. It was crazy! Then I take a shower and go to the library to volunteer for my mom. I made a movie flyer and rolled coins with my friend Rachel. Then she and I and my mom went home where we all made dinner and watched the Simpsons. Then Rachel and I went to Dollar Scoops night at Baskin Robins where we met up with Ryan. We all had a jolly good time and I met CG from Knowvella (not sure about the spelling) and talked with J-Fizzle for a little bit. Oh! We went to Kmart to buy batteries and an Arizona iced tea and some Pringle-like things. Cheddar flavor but with no crickets. Now I'm at home and about to go to sleep because I'm tired. 

Good night.

I Found a Pretzel

So, today was a good day. I woke up to my mom hugging me because she was going to work and then I went back to sleep because I felt like it and didn't wake up til like 9 or so. Then I got up, had some chicken and rice because I am really not a breakfast person and I'd rather just skip that meal (unless Mark is making banana or chocolate crepes, then I'm in) and go right on to the delicious culinary possibilities of lunch and dinner. 

I got ready and left the house at noon to take cookies to Fridays For Lunch. I dropped them off and sat at a table with Joshua and Israel. Israel totally wasn't like crazy today and we had a two sided conversation which is rare with him. He gave me a flower (gardenia) to put in my hair and it was nice. We were talking about the places he's been and where I come from, how old I am and stuff like that. A normal conversation, it was cool. After FFL I went over to Joshua's house to chillax for a few before I went home to get ready for dance.

Dance was mucho fun today. We reviewed what we'd learned on Monday and added two more dances to the Meringue and Foxtrot: the Rumba and Waltz. Totally fun. I got to dance with my friend TJ quite a bit which was good because he helped me with my stance. And then I got to dance with this guy named Mike. He's super nice and we joke around a lot and I think he's cute. I think he's around the same age as Joshua and the D-man. I told him that I thought he looked like a tree on Monday and he wouldn't let me live it down. He was like, "Oh, well, I'm just a tree." And stuff like that. He's awesome, I really hope he stays in dance. By the end of dance I was all sweaty, but feeling great as well, I really love that class. 

After dance I went home to take a shower and then I went to Holiday to buy spaghetti and shredded cheese for dinner at Joshua's. We had Cincinnati chili over noodles with onions and shredded cheese. It was delicious. Then Patrick showed up for discussion group and the ball got rolling from then on. Tina and her mom Vicki stopped by for a little while and then Patrick went and got this guy named Jimmy and he seems really nice. He's very soft spoken, but totally nice. He's the kind of guy I can never see hurting someone deliberately or being mean. He just strikes me as a genuinely nice and decent guy. Go him. 

To explain the title, I was looking down into Joshua's couch for a moment while Patrick and Jimmy were looking at me and then all of a sudden I looked up and said, "I found a pretzel." They thought it was funny because they were expecting me to say something profound or meaningful and then all I say is something about a pretzel. It was nifty. I'm going to bed now. See ya on the flip side.

Lars and the Real Girl

To my surprise, Lars and the Real Girl, was actually a superb movie. It was serious with comedic undertones while being powerful and moving for me. I really, really, really liked it. I'll have to do some more pondering while I'm finishing up Soul Graffiti. So much to ponder and dream and be excited about. Off to sleep I go, cuz I'm super tired and I need my sleep before I start dance tomorrow. I'm trying to build confidence because I think that will help me with the kids at youth group. I love them and I want to be the best Heather that I can be for them. :D Later!

Chasing Pavements

I've given my last post more thought, but that isn't why I'm blogging it up today. All day I've been thinking about how I've finally surrounded myself with people that love and care about me. People who don't sugar coat things even when I really want them to. Its definitely helping me on my journey through life. Its so relieving to know that people have my back. I also am really thankful for the people who have given me opportunities to experience things and new ways of thinking. I wouldn't be the person I am without those select few.

Alright, was that mushy enough for the present company? I'm sure it was. I just thought I'd share my nice little epiphany with ya'll. 

When it was freak thunder storming earlier today I went outside and parked my keister on my patio and just let myself get lost in the sound of the thunder and the humidity of the air and the overall thunder stormy-ness. It was powerful and it made me think about how powerful God is. That led me to wonder where the human race would be without his love. What if he wasn't a merciful God? What if he wasn't all forgiving and ever-patient. What if he didn't wait for us to get ourselves together and live in his image? I had all these questions surging through my head, some scientific and others theological, and all of a sudden my mind cleared and I had a sense of peace. It was like God was telling me to be at peace right then and not to worry, like he was reassuring me that he had it handled. It was awesome.

I don't know what else to say, but I'll blog later with more thoughts and feelings. I have a party to go to.

The Church Basement Roadshow.

Yesterday afternoon at 4:30 Pastor Rod, Summer, Jess and I set off on a journey to the remote location of El Dorado Hills in search of a book tour gone wild and crazy. We successfully navigated our way to the how of our dreams. The set up was three authors: Tony Jones, Doug Pagitt and  Mark Scandrette and also their 1908 counterparts: Professor Hawthorne, Brother Duke, Preacher Withee conducting a old school revival. The show started out with a musician named Will Derryberry playing a few of his songs. He played this song called "Seven" and it was one of the most meaningful songs I've ever heard. After roughly half an hour the whole shebang began with the 3 revival-ers on stage in character. They are alternating between their 1908 selves and their more present day persons while sharing the story of their transformation into who they are today. All of their stories were awesome and sincere, but only one really stood out. Mark is just very genuine with what he says and impassioned in his speech. He is believable. Jess and I were saying that he could say that there is such thing as flying elephants and we would most likely believe him. Amidst the craziness, I had a realization that I don't think organized religion is going about things in the right manner. I think there should be more group discussion about every issue. More community, more hospitality, more love, more caring, more peace. Alright, let me think a while more about this and I'll continue this thought pattern.

It really just dawned on me how busy I've been in the past week. House/dog/bunny sitting since Tues., Cricket Camp planning for munchkins, doing this to expand my religious outlook and exposure, reading Soul Graffiti, A New Kind of Christian and The Secret Message of Jesus, getting my schedule at Butte all settled, trying harder to take care of myself by going for walks and eating more vegetables (its amazing, I actually like vegetables...who would have thought?!) and a photo shoot for my friend's web site to display her photography because she's going to a photography school in Massachusetts. I've been lacking on the nightly recoop because the dogs i was watching insisted on sleeping the my bed and they twitch and itch and snuggle which doesn't allow for the most recuperative sleep in the world. And I didn't get home til 1 this morning from the Church Basement Roadshow. But it was completely worth it. Jess and I got to catch up on the way down and she convinced me to start dance on Monday. I'm actually pretty excited about it. She's going to be teaching I think and she said that I'd have a lot of fun and it'd bring me closer to the friends I already have that are in dance. I'll keep you updated on that too.

I'm really tired right now, so I'm going to bed. Hopefully I'll get a full night's sleep and I'll have the brain power to finish my thinking on the Roadshow experience and maybe offer some helpful and interesting opinions. One can always dream anyways, now can't they?

Night.

The Charmed One

Ok, so my last post was kind of mopey and silly teenager-with-a-problem-with-the-world kind of vibe. I apologize for that and I feel better today.

Soooooooo, on Wednesday I should be free of this cursed Mowers house. It'll be a good day for me. Also, I think I'll be going to the Eldorado Hills (wherever that is) for a thing. A roadshow of sorts, I think thats even in the title. I'm reading this book called Soul Graffiti and the guy who wrote it, Mark Scandrette, is going to be one of the speakers at the Roadshow thing. Thats so exciting, I mean I've already met him, but he's the most honest and nicest person that I've ever met and it doesn't seem like he has to try. It just like comes to him, like enlightenment. Its crazy.

I can't stop thinking about someone. He's like a really super nice person and he doesn't have to try. He's genuine and sweet and I don't know, still kind of young inside. I don't even know what it is about him. He drives me freaking crazy and its not fair. But whatever, its fine and I'm ok. Next subject.

I've realized that I really don't like television shows. I think they're lame and they focus on everything about society that is not what people should focus on. Money, fame, sex, violence, people building facades of perfection. I don't understand the fascination behind these programs. I mean, I'm not going to say that I don't watch tv, but I watch Food Network and Lost. You know fluff shows. I tell people that I like horror movies, but I really don't. They scare me, well they don't scare me, they just make me sad to see people being hurt for no reason other than because the bad guy wants to kill someone. I don't have a sense of justice like that. My sense of justice is a bad guy going to prison for a length of time and then hopefully having their life changed so they don't want to do bad things any more. I was watching Snatch and every time someone was hurt I was sad. I don't understand why people feel the need to hurt someone to make themselves feel better or more powerful.

Alright. I have to get my life together now so I'll go for now.

I'm tired and watching Kimora Lee Simmons get her "fab" on, its an all time low.

I want to start out first saying that I've had one heck of a week. The fire, power outages, uncertainty of life and house sitting. Its all been so hectic and lame and overwhelming.

Ok, the fire. So stressful, mainly because my house was in an evacuation zone and then I went over to the Mowers' house to continue house sitting and then we got a precautionary evacuation announcement there too and then I was worried about my friends that live in the even lower parts of Paradise. The fire totally jacked up a week of my life, but its fine. I'm just happy that everyone I know and love is ok and not hurt except that lady who died from a heart attack. Poor lady.

The power outages were just annoying, though they did force me to actually sit down and read like I've wanted to for at least a week. I'm happy for that, but it was father's day today and my mom, dad and I were watching Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull and halfway through the power went out. So now we have to watch it again at a later date. It was pretty ridiculous.

I'm just not sure how my life is going to be. I don't know what I'm going to do, or who I'm going to be, or who I'm going to help and I'm really trying to be ok to go with the flow, but sometimes I just can't. Sometimes I just freak out. I do breathing exercises to try and calm down, but it doesn't always help.

House sitting. Don't even get me started on this. So I agreed to house sit for the Mowers' and I didn't really ask what I'd be doing I just knew that I'd have to walk and feed dogs and maybe sleep with them. I should have asked house much I was getting paid, what exactly would be happening and what to do if the dogs pooped on the floor or wouldn't stop barking. I should have done a trial run. That would have been awesome and smart, but no, I didn't do that. I just figured that I'd be fine and the dogs would love me and they wouldn't miss their owners too bad, but I was wrong. Wrong homie. SO WRONG.

Alright, I'm tired because they dogs don't let me sleep a lot and I have to get up really early to turn off the alarm that Liane didn't shut off before she left and I have to let the dogs out to pee at like 6:45 or 7 in the morning every morning.

Night!

From Butte Bliss to Daddy Hell

I took my Butte college assessment test today, well technically yesterday, and it went ok. I had a little confusion as to where the test was being held, but that was easily cleared up. There was also a little fiasco with the fire academy which was just funny. Overall my first experience with Butte college was almost all good in the hood. I'm pretty sure I did well on the English based parts, but 45 questions about Alg 2 just about killed me. I haven't taken it in a year, I got a very low B- in it, but my friend persuaded me into taking that test. I don't even care what math class I get put into, I just want to get this whole math requirement thing done with.

Tonight Michelle had a party and usualy when she has parties I sleepover. But tonight I didn't feel like sleeping over so I decided to stay a little later than I originally thought which is what my mom and I agreed on. ...I'll tell the rest of this later. I'm seriously wigging out right now.

Ghost Hunters

So last night was this month's council meeting and some members of the council were asking how the changes we're making to the church (i.e. changing into an abbey-type thing) are going to help the church "grow". I really don't think that should be our concern. They meant help the congregation grow as in attendance. I don't think that is the important thing because you can make all the conditions exactly right for a plant and it will still grow just how it wants to grow. Or it won't grow. You really can't change the nature of a plant. 

I'm doing a program for young children during the summer called Cricket Camp. I'm really excited about it. Lynda is going to be helping me and I think its going to be a lot of fun. I'm going to try and have some of my friends help me because it'll be fun.

My Butte college assessment test is tomorrow. Then I can finally sign up for classes. Which I was supposed to be able to do last month, but I had an AP test the day of the last assessment test and tomorrow is the soonest test date. So we'll see how that goes.

Speaking to the Congregation

I totally gave a speech in church yesterday. You see the church was presenting  $500 scholarships for college to 3 graduates: Chris, Jack and myself. Each of the graduates did part of the service which included dividing the readings and the gospel between us and giving the "message" and the dismissal. None of that was as nerve racking to actually do as it was to fret about in the minutes before it had to happen. So I stood in front of the congregation and thanked them for supporting me and being there to watch me grow up and for giving me a chance to really help out the church with nursery and being on the church council. I told them that I particularly enjoyed being on the council because no one really listens to us youngens and now they were. You know, asking lots of questions about my "tribe" and trying to understand my generation a little more thoroughly. I think that is going to be a super important part of the change the church is going to go through to stay alive.

After the first service was over Mia, the coordinator of the service, took us to BK for breakfast/lunch. Then we came back for round two. I think that went a little smoother, though we were still nervous as ever. But speeches were made and the service ended and then it was off to the Fellowship Hall for cake and conversation and little presents and cards that the whole congregation signed. It was awesome. Oh! My pastor and his wife gave me a card and they made me open it at home. I think they made me open it at home because it said "ass" in it. It was purely funny though. Everyone kept telling me how proud they were of me and it was super nice. There was a lady that I'd never seen before and she stood in front of me for a full three minutes telling me how proud she was of me and we ended up discussing my future educational plans. It was pretty awesome.

After that I went to a graduation party for my friend Morgan and I was the only person there that wasn't family. I felt pretty special. I left her party a little early to go to the church for a parent's meeting that J-Fizzle told me about and wanted me to go to. So I showed up and there were three parents. They discussed stuff and and I interjected where I thought necessary. I stayed at J-Fizzle's for dinner (what else is new?) and it was tasty. we had grilled lamb with mint jelly, corn, baked potatoes and homemade garlic bread. So delicious. I don't know what it is about J-Fizzle's cooking, but he can make me eat stuff that I totally don't usually like. Like most vegetables and the occasional meat that I'm not used to or have never had properly prepared. Anywho, go him! Then I went home and read some more of Soul Graffiti by Mark Scandrette. I'm telling you, that book is awesome. Totally cool. I like how he writes and I even like having to write down words that I don't know the meaning of so I can look them up at a later date. There is no point in ready a book if you don't understand the words that the author uses because you could interpret something in a completely different way based on what you think the words mean.

Today was my Senior breakfast. I was up at 5:45 this morning because I thought that it started at 6:30 am but my friend texted me to say that it didn't start til 8. I was a little annoyed to say the least. Anywho, it was great. Jut one last time to see the people that I know I probably won't see again. And one more time to plan things for the summer with people that probably won't happen because we'll end up being busy and we'll forget. But the thought is what counts, right? Thats what everyone has told me since I was in kindergarten, so for once in my life I'm going to believe them. 

Later.

Graduation!!!

Tonight/this morning was graduation and it was amazing. The valedictorian speeches, the teacher of the year, Mrs. Marsters, speech and the wave of realization that hit me when my senior class of 2008 threw their caps in the air...that was magic. It had the ring of finality and a glimmer of the hope I have for my life from this point on. Sure it was sad, sure I cried, but I also embraced the uncertainty of life because if you won't/don't do that, then what's the point in living?

Obviously I passed Photo, though I don't know how. I'd like to thank Mr. Wallick for that. And to Mr. Ellison, oh wonderful english teacher of mine, thank you for being the most loving and adoring fan of mine. To Mrs. Marsters, that groovy anatomy teacher, thank you for being the spunky, scatter-brained caring woman that you are and you were by far my favorite teacher ever (for the exception of Mr. Jensen. You guys are totally tied.). Anywho, I made it! I graduated high school like everyone knew I would. There is no super-seniorism for me. I thank Him for that. 

Grad night was also amazing, so much better than I thought. There were a million things to do, the food was good, and tons of people showed up. There was rock climbing, magic tricks, an obstacle course, swimming, dancing, and gambling (school appropriate of course). 

I just wanted everyone to know that I graduated! Have a great morning. See you all in 10 hours.

I like to watch Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations because he travels all over the world, experiencing different cultures and their foods while meeting awesome people who really embrace their heritage, in a way that I wish I did/could.

I'm graduating on Thursday and I'm so excited. I can't wait to have the summer stretched out before me, just waiting to offer me awesome situations and opportunities to meet new people and maybe make a difference in some minute way in someone's life. Two months off and I'm looking forward to it.

Senior Picnic.

Today was the Senior Picnic or "Senior Ditch Day". The latter is ironic because I had to get a permission slip signed by all my teachers in order to attend the "ditch" day. I'm pretty sure that for a day to be qualified as ditched one must actually not show up in class when one is expected to be there. But whatever, it was totally fun, though cloudy. It was rather chilly as well, but not so much that it was cold, but it was windy.

I graduate in 3 school days and 6 actual calendar days. I'm exhilarated and scared pants-less out of my mind. I'm going to be done with high school in a matter of days! I remember when I was a freshman and I thought, "I'm going to be done with this place in 4 years." And those 4 years just BLEW by. I can't think of where the time went. Seriously, it just disappeared. If I would have realized how I'd feel about it then I would have experienced more things and pursued relationships with all sorts of people and I guess I still have lots of time to do that, but it doesn't feel like it. It feels like I'm already basically done with my life. For 4 years, all I've had to think about was high school and now its done. What am I going to do with the freedom I'll have in college? Will I make decisions based on how they'll affect me or the world and people around me? I hope its the second choice personally. 

I'll write more later.

SENIOR PROJECTS ARE DONE!!!

Mother Mary and Jehosphat! I'm so stinkin' excited. Tomorrow is the Senior Picnic and today was Senior Project presentations. I'm just so happy that its over and done with. Seriously, I've never been so relieved in my life. I feel like I am actually graduating in a week now. I can't wait to have the WHOLE summer before me and the freedom to come and go as I please. That is very exciting and rewarding. I can't wait to get some sun and soak up the friendship and fun while I can before everything is different and before I change to accompany the inevitable difference my life will take on.

Senior Project Presentations!

Tomorrow are Senior Project Presentations and I really just want to get them over and done with. They are the only stress I really have now anyways. I have a couple of finals, but they don't really matter and I have another week to study for them for the most part. I don't understand why Senior Projects are such a big deal. Yes, I learned oodles about time management and yes that will help me in the "real world", when I'm no longer in high school, but I could learn that lesson on my own and probably in a more efficient and practical way, but then again, thats just me talking. Anywho, thats pretty much what my night has been and will be about. Then I'll do my thing tomorrow and it'll be over and I'll be able to chillax and be myself again, without being uptight.

I put the Mo in Moses.

Hello there people of the internets. My life has been upside down and all sorts of crazy. 

I met this guy, DeeDee, and for the past two weeks he's been a constant in my life and now he's gone and its messing with my head. I want to pop over to J-Fizzle's house unexpectedly to see him, but I can't (see him that is) because he's going to Hawaii or Nebraska or somewhere tomorrow so he and J-Fizzle are down in SF right now living it up. He might be back though to work at my church, but you never know and I'd rather not get all excited because I always do that and then my expectations aren't met and I feel like a fool and I hurt my heart. I made him a card as a sort of goodbye and thanks kind of thing. I made an envelope to put the card in and I put one of my favorite crosses in it as well, for something to remember me by. I don't expect him to wear it, even if he just looks at it every once in a while and kind of remembers "that blonde girl that is friends with J-Fizzle" would be ok. And even though I've only known him for two weeks (give or take a day or two) I totally feel like I can trust him. I've always wanted to travel the world and he's rekindled the drive I need in which to actually do it. I'd love to go on a missions trip with him and a group. I think that'd be a lot of fun and helpful for me and discovering who I am more in detail and for the people I meet and ideally give hope to. 

My friends make fun of my because I like him. I don't see whats so funny though. He's older than me yes, but he isn't too mature or stuck up and I think he appreciates my personality, at least in part or the part he knows, which is nice. J-Fizzle always tells me that I deserve the best and I believe that I do. I don't know if DeeDee is the best but I know that I like him and he makes me happy and he's an all-around good sort of guy, which makes him good enough for me. I just hope he doesn't get the wrong idea from my goodbye present thing. It wasn't a proclamation of love or undying devotion or anything like that. It was just an "I appreciate you" kind of thing. I'm sure he understands that. I'll have to ask J-Fizzle about it at a later date, like tomorrow when he gets back.

Adios

Heather

Prom, The Actual Events and Expectations.

Prom was last night and I got home from Mitch's house at 1 this morning. The limo was cooler than I thought which was nice and the driver was super nice. His name was Chuck and I totally said the dumbest thing. We were like, "What's your name?" and he said that it was Chuck and right when he said that I said, "Can I call you Chuck?" Yeah, I took the night to a level of stupid never experienced til then. I guess I'm just a trendsetter. My parents were at Mitch's house til 11 that night. Isn't that crazy?! Apparently his parents and mine get along swimmingly which is good. Definitely good.

My mama and everyone else who was there totally took a million pictures of everyone. In Mitch's and my couple shot we threw gang signs. It was awesome. He looked so handsome in his suit. I would mind dating him. I wouldn't mind dating Dee either, but there's a bit of an age difference there. Not that I mind, don't think that. He's nice and cute and nice and sincere and he has like the best smile ever. And his glasses make him even cuter, which I don't usually think, but hey everyone can have an exception or two right? Right. Thanks for agreeing. 

So I went to church today for the first service because I told Liane that I wouldn't be there so she wasn't expecting me. It was nice to actually be able to go to a service for the first time in a long time. And I didn't have to go to the traditional one, even though I have to say that the first service is still more traditional than I thought it would be, but I don't mind. I got to see Mia and everyone was asking me how prom went. It was nice that they asked. J-Fizzle said that he prayed for me for prom, I though that was real cool. He's the best. Kudos bro. Any-who, I got to sit by Dee because he was sitting in the back pew and I didn't want to make it obvious that I was almost half an hour late. Go me. Whoop. It was cute because he didn't know how our service went so he was all hesitant and whatnot. But I heard that he was playing the guitar like a rockstar, sadly I missed it.

Thoughts

I don't know why I even have this blog. No one reads it. What I have to say means nothing, no, I can't say that, b/c when people want me to say things I have nothing to say. I'm just being selfish and thats not fair. I was just sensitive tonight and didn't know what was wrong and I didn't mean to take things personally it. Its just what happened. What you say means a lot to me and I've been trying to distance myself from you for when you lose interest in being my friend, my brother. Idk. My head's all jumbled up. I'm always so sad and I'm scatter-brained.

I don't know.

Cupcake. I like that book.

Hm...so, life right now is ok. Yesterday I'd say it kind of sucked a big one, but today I was genuinely happy. I have tons of school stuff to do and my super good friends are having a disagreement or a "divorce" as I see it. I feel like the kid thats in the middle and doesn't know what to do. I just hope it ends soon. I miss Sasquatch oodles. Life isn't the same without him making ridiculous comments and interrupting me every three words. The month of May is just going to be a horrible...crazy busy, like nothing I've ever experienced, but it'll put metaphorical hair on my chest and I'm probably going to need that for the "real" world.

So this guy that J-Fizzle knows is coming out here in May and I get to meet him. I'm pretty excited. He sounds awesome. Apparently J-Fizzle is going all out with the being a brother thing and has mapped out my marital life. But hey, thanks for caring J-Fizzle. Way to be. I'll have a high five for you later.

I've basically figured out that if you want to know anything about me, just ask me on the internet. For some reason I'm more honest and open on the internet than real life. Go me. :D

I'm tired. I'm going to bed. I'm preparing mentally for a weekend with my pastor, his wife, and my old eng teacher from like 7 grade.

Going Green...With Pandas

Alright. So apart from being so stressed I feel like I'm going bald, I'm pretty good. I'm supposed to be meeting new people during the summer or something, I'm excited for that. I actually can't wait, so I hope it actually happens.

OH! I got new sunglasses and they are amazingly awesome. They're red, BRIGHT red. So cool. w00t!

I'm also going shoe shopping for prom. Don't know how excited I am about that. I'm thinking I want to get really bright shoes because my dress is black. But I don't know how well the hunt is going to be so I might just end up buying some random pair of shoes that I like. Who knows.

So this whole week I went out for brunch everyday. It was pretty crazy. And each time was with a different set of friends. Awesomeness right there.

I've decided I want a Macbook. A white one. Really bad. I'm going to have to save my money a little better to be able to afford it though. I don't think I'm going to really look into buying one til August or thereabouts. Right before school starts.

The prospect of going to college (even if its only Butte) is amazingly wonderful. High school will be done and over with, thank God, and I'll be taking classes that I want and still working towards taking care of my GED. And I'll be moving out soon, hopefully with my friend Michelle because I love her and it will be fun to live with her. She won't mind my messy room and we're just very compatible and we have the same friends for the most part, so it'll just work. We both aren't afraid of meeting new people so we'll probably have parties and such because we're social butterflies. Well, she's more a butterfly, I'm kind of a dragonfly.

My mom is totally stalling on ordering my hamburger phone. I think she's just forgotten and I haven't really reminded her, so its not her fault. Just commenting because I'm excited about it and really want to have it. It'll be awesome in my room, next to my bed on the night stand. *sigh* Its gonna be great!

My life doesn't completely suck like I thought it did yesterday and the day before. I'm not quite so stressed which is very nice. I had a nice sit down chat with my Eng teacher and he was very understanding and he trusted me. We sat down and input all the points he hadn't entered in the computer. That was great so now I have a C- instead of an F! Isn't that like MAGIC. My teacher loves me. That much is for sure. Just thought I'd give you a little update past my love of le Hamburger Phone. :D I loves it mucho! Good night!!

Hamburger Phone!

I found this phone I'm in love with. Its so cool. I'm so excited!!! Be excited for me!!!

Seclusion Delusion.

I now have the Safari web browser thingie. Its awesome! Its like I have a Mac without actually getting a new computer. How cool!? I'm all excited now. :D

Anywho, I had a mini breakdown today in Anatomy concerning grades and the overall stress going on in my life. You might think that I can't have that much stress in my life because I'm still in high school, but you would be so wrong its not even funny. I won't even pretend to laugh. Thank God I have friends and people close to me that I can vent/have a discussion with to get it all out because I cannot be breaking down in class on a regular basis. I've basically gotten my Anatomy grade under control, so thats good. Now I'm working on Photo and English. I'm talking to my english teacher about my grade because there are things that I've turned in that he hasn't put in the computer yet which I've already brought to his attention and which he's done nothing about so maybe I just need to be there, physically in his presence and watch him put it in the computer. I officially hate senior year.

I'm going to bed now. Good night all.

Epic Dress Shopping

I went to the Zombats concert with my friends Sierra, Emma and Heather. It was so not what I was expecting, but thats not exactly a bad thing. The only thing that sucked was the fact that we didn't even get to see the Zombats because they didn't play til after 11 pm and I had to be home at 11:30. Sierra was sad because she's like obsessed or something. Craziness. And it turned out to be a showcase with like a gazillion bands playing instead of just like 3 or 4. Heather, Emma and I met these two guys though and we were talking to them for a while. They were awesome and both in bands. There was a band where all the members were dressed up like the bad guys in Nightmare On Elm Street, with burn prosthetics and everything. Lots of fake blood on their shirts and this big guy who was the drummer who looked like he cut people up for a living. Overall the concert was fun though. I was the only blonde in a sea of dark hair, but one gets used to that after living in the Bay Area where there might have been 100 white kids in their school let alone many blondes.

So after I got home Wes called me to say that Michelle probably would be coming prom dress shopping with me. He called when I was brushing my teeth so he thought I was drunk or something and slurring my speech. I love my friends' faith in me. Steadfast to the end. NOT! Anywho, I went to the Roseville Galleria and the Arden Fair mall in Sac. I'd forgotten about how crazy people are down below with their crazy driving, speeding, unexpected manuevers across 5 lanes of traffic and whatnot. The Roseville stop was strictly for my mama because she had to return something so we did that and then we were off to Sac. The first store we went into was Torrid which is a shop for plus sized girls and I fell in love with two dress, a pair of shorts and a tank top. I tried on everything and both dresses fit me perfectly, the shorts weren't too short or too long and fit great, and the top was FANTASTICO! I chose a black dress with white roses on it that I liked the best and paired it with a black silk shrug. Its beautiful! I also bought the shirt, but not the shorts because they were like $38 and I couldn't handle that after dropping $140 for the dress/shrug combo.

I have a massive pile of clothes in the middle of my room and I'm afraid to dive in. What if I don't come back? I don't like spelunking. Its scary and I don't know whats in there. Oh, well. I have to get ready for church now.

L8rz.

April Fool's!!

So today was Patrick's birthday and I hope he had a good one. I just finished like a million things of homework in the last hour and a half and I still have more to do. Lucky me. NOT!

I'm going to see The Zombats on Friday with my friend Sierra and thats exciting because then the next day I'm going prom dress shopping with Michelle and my mama, which I know I already told you, but I don't care. Its my prom and I'll talk about it all I want. You can choose to ignore it if you like. I saw Mitch today and he was like, "Hi prom buddy!!" It was funny. :D

I'm tired and bored and cold and tired.

I'm going to bed...to my nice colorful clean sheets...to be all snuggly and warm like a bug.

Nightie night.

My Boy Its Dagger

I'm officially stressed out as if I wasn't before. But thats ok. I have prom, senior stuff, classes, grades, graduating, growing up, scholarship apps, and boys. My mom checked my grades and my teachers kind of suck at grading things or at least entering scores in the computer. I wish we didn't do online grades because it would be some much easier.

I changed the sheets on my bed and now they're all pretty. I loves it.

I'm tired. I think I'm going to go to bed, I have to type something for my Econ class anyways.

OH! I'm going to see The Zombats on Friday with my bestie Sierra because Michelle is getting her wisdom teef pulled or something. Idk. Be excited! Wish me luck.

I Know I Called Them Demons...

But it really isn't true. They are just enthusiastic thats all. They're always excited to see me which is very nice. :D

I've discovered a new band with the help of my friend Betty. They're called The Fratellis. They rock my lovely socks right off. I don't know what to call them exactly, but they have an awesome sound. I'm sure all my very dearest friends would love them, especially Sasquatch and J-Fizzle. :D I'm sure they'd love them more than their very own wives. Jk homies. Don't get your panties in a twist.

I'm pretty bored and I hate being the only one up up here. The house is always really quiet and the fridge makes its own ice cubes and I always forget that so everytime it dumps them out to make new ones I get freaked out. And the neighbors are noisy. The kids and I watched Nancy Drew tonight and they totally loved the movie and I'll admit that its a nice movie. And Ned is really cute. That helps. I just want to go home and sleep. I always feel like I'm going to be in a babysitting slasher movie. That is just not what you want to have running through your head when you're all alone in a house in a different town. Seriously, I think I'm going to have a coronary. Good thing I have my iPod and cell and the house phone all within reach. The iPod just helps me calm down. The Fratellis are good at that. They get me all jazzed.

I'm going to go now before the people for which I work get home. I don't know that they'd appreciate me being on the computer, though the kids are asleep so I don't know what they'd rather me do, but still, I'd rather be safe than sorry.

Talk to all ya'll cool cats later.

This Is Life As We Know It

Today was fantasterrific! I did the weigh-in for Biggest Loser: Paradise High Style and it went better than I expected. I lost 4 1/2 pounds. That was exciting and I think my team did well overall.

Oh, oh! I got asked to prom, which I already wrote about, but whatever, I'm excited. I have to go dress shopping and figure out who's paying for what and all that. Its all kind of confusing.

My friend Wes bit me a couple of days ago and now I have these two dark mean looking bruises. Its pretty ridiculous. They got worse within the last like 24 hours.

I'm tired. Nightie night.

Prom...

So I got asked to prom today. It was pretty awesome. M &M is really cool and nice and I've known him for a long time. I think we're going to have fun. I hope so anyways. I just wanted to let ya'll know that. :D Ttyl!!!

So I Caved A Little Bit.

But I don't feel badly because of it. I'm actually happy today even though I have a conversation with Betty last night which extended into this morning. He's an odd one, thats for sure. He said that he didn't fine that I didn't talk to him at all for almost two weeks because he thought I'd talk to him when I was ready. And then there was my best friend M who told me that I shouldn't talk to him because he does things to my head and I can't think straight when I talk to him and that I talk to him too much. All of which was understandable and true, according to my interpretation of truth. I really just want to give him a hug that doesn't end. Thats what I've missed the most. I didn't really care about not talking to him or seeing him around school. It was the hugging and I never realized how much we hugged til I tried to make up for it by hugging other people more. Let me just tell you, every 5 minutes I was hugging someone trying to fill a hole that I had in my heart, but I'm thinking its filled now. I don't think I need him anymore. It would be nice to still be his friend, but I don't need him. I've adopted a new hobby as well; I make envelopes out of magazine ads. People say they're good, but I'm not sure. I want to sell them at Johnny Appleseed Days or something like that. I think that'd be neat.

I feel like I didn't really make a lot of sense up in that paragraph. Too late now. I'm sure you'll understand and if you don't you can always ask me questions.

Oh!! I got a new shirt and it is like the cutest thing EVER! Yay.
I had to upgrade my texting plan because I ran out of texts in like the second week of having my phone. It was ridiculous. But thats how I communicate outside of the house 'cept for the occasional obscure phone call that I receive and make.

Gotta go.