My day started out so well. I woke up early and didn't hate life when it happened, that was definitely a good sign. I even got to Morgan's apartment early and we were like way early for the Butte bus and we saw a bunch of people we knew and I didn't fall up or down the stairs which for me (and Morgan) is a major accomplishment. I didn't fall asleep in Anthropology and actually thought the video that we were watching was kind of interesting. Amazing, I know. And except for being hungry throughout most of the day it was all good. Morgan and I got out of class on time and went got on the bus and Nick, Morgan and I drove to Taco Bell for lunch at like 3 pm. A good time for lunch? Indeed it is. Then Nick left for the high school and Morgan and I went to her house...or I feel like we did, I don't remember exactly.
Anyhoo...I went to Michelle's house and then we ended up at Morgan's house again and then I had to take Michelle home to help her mom with dinner before her mom had to go to work. She said she'd meet me at Cozy for pie night so I went back over to Morgan's where I ate my weight in chinese food. Then we went to Cozy and hung out there for a while...a long while actually. I totally wasn't feeling all that well, but I thought I could make it through everything. My head was stuffed full of things to think about and my stomach hurt and my back hurt and my eyes hurt and basically my whole body was screaming in anger and pain. While Sam was nursing Tristan I drove Morgan around town because I was in the driving mood, you know just driving without a purpose or direction. We wound up at Joshua's house to have an informal abbey meeting with just the "abbots" in attendance. We were talking about vows and stuff like that.
I think I'm really disappointed that Michelle bailed on my twice. She said that she'd come to pie night, and that in itself isn't that big of a deal, but it just miffed my mood a little bit. And now she isn't spending the night either. This night ended up not being what I wanted it to be, but at least now I have time to read The Message. I really like how its written and the contemporary language is definitely helpful for me. I'm listening to Anberlin to help me calm down so I don't want to cry or sleep in the shower. I'm doing breathing exercises to calm myself and I'm not sure if they're really working. On the way home from dropping Morgan home I felt like I was going to hyperventilate a little bit and burst into tears because thats my first reaction to everything.
I think I'm going to drop all my plans for tomorrow and just hang out in a park on a blanket and read The Message/draw/work on my vows/nap/think/have some needed "me" time. I'm thinking that is best for me. I just need to get away from people and homework and worry and needs and things that require social skills. I need to be one with nature more often and tomorrow is going to be the start of something new in my life that is much needed.
I'm tired and nauseous and hating currency right now.
Good night.
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