Ok, I know this is going to sound like I worship the ground he stands on and in a tiny little way I do. J-Fizzle is just about the best thing to happen to me in a year. He was the best yesterday, super nice. I don't like being all emotional, it makes you eat a lot, even when you're not hungry. And believe you me, that Jack in the Box chicken tender stuff was not hitting the spot last night, but I don't want to waste food stuffs, so I ate it. And then because I ate it I was up til like 1 not feeling well while trying to finish some stuff for English. I hate that class with an emotion more than hate. I don't know what word I want to use, but w/e, thats not important. I seriously wouldn't know what to do without J-Fizzle. He's awesome and always there for me and I know he wants the best for me and he just goes agaisnt everything I was raised to believe. He didn't befriend me because he wanted something or because he had to because of his job (I hope) and its amazing how much I trust and respect him. (J-Fizzle, I know I'm sounding like that woman on the phone, but sometimes you just need to hear the truth. You really did change my life.)
I told a person yesterday exactly how I was feeling because I've needed to do that for a few months. And the whole time I was just so scared that I was going to hurt him because that was not my intention, but I wonder if he has anything going on up in that brain of his. Sometimes I think that he must not because of how oblivious he is, but then I think that God wouldn't put a brain in a person if he didn't want the person to use it so then I think that maybe he just doesn't use all of it or he's just stupid when it comes to relationships and girls. All my friends told me that I had to just get over him, but it was love or something (an infatuation or an obsession, I don't know) and I felt like I couldn't. And even right now I'm having withdrawls. The prospects for life in the future is bleak for me. No Betty hugs, no AIM conversations, no hanging out, nothing...but thats the way it has to be so my heart doesn't completely die. It just hurts so much and too many tears have been spilled on account of this subject. I wish my tear ducts didn't work and I had no emotions, being a robot sounds like the best plan so far. Sign me up to replace my heart with a clock or something else thats rational and realistic. Dreams are for silly people and I'm the silliest person in the world.
I'm done with my rant, I'm glad the whole world can read it...yeah, thats just great.
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